Vrindavan Diary 2012 Part 1 - Filling the Emptiness

I am very happy here.

By Radharani´s merciful arrangements I have ended up in a place I subtly resisted - only to discover that, here, I have found the most peaceful environment and conditions I have ever had in Vraja. I am staying in the beautiful cottage of Sri Radhika and Rakesh. From my altar I can see in the distance Giriraja - not all of him but two very scenic spots with trees which look like hairs standing up in ecstasy. But I can feel him very much as he works silently upon my heart. It seems as if he takes all misery - even those physical - away from me and gives me the highest bliss (more about which I will come to in my Vraja diary). 

There is a Tulasi on my altar and Sri Sri Radha Kanayalal - in a new breathtaking outfit everyday. They have increased in their beauty since we have been here - if that is at all possible. In the morning I hear the crying of the peacocks - as I chant my rounds and during the day I am visited by many curious exotic birds. Because there are flower-bearing trees here, such as the campak, many rare birds are attracted to come and visit - and likewise the bees. In this well maintained garden atmosphere even the few monkeys here seem to behave like cultured ladies and gentlemen - as if they were in a place for character-reforming. In brief: This is the Lord´s arrangement for me - I had made plans to be in Varshana - in much more austere and unpredictable living conditions but somehow I have ended up staying here. I have learnt: It is best to be moved by the Lord and try not to be the independent mover. 

You might think that everything is idyllic, easy and smooth-flowing. In a way it is - but only externally. Now when I can finally concentrate on the inner journey - I cannot help but notice that I need to give my best in terms of determination and single-mindedness. 

"Leave the unessential behind" - I tell myself each morning. "You have come here to touch the deeper regions in your heart - your original spiritual desires. No more diversion - and when you feel empty, no more filling up the emptiness with "spiritual adventures" like travelling here and there, meeting many people, having success in different forms. No - now we want to go really deep - without any horizontal diversion.
If one chanted the entire day basically - from 4 o’clock in the morning to 10 o’clock at night - with a little reading in between - one would have to confront the inner obstacles like drowsiness (tamas) and restlessness (rajas).

But here in an atmosphere where sweetness predominates, and Radha and Krishna´s presence is palpable, one overcomes these obstacles faster than anywhere else - by Their mercy which is the emperor amongst all the different shaktis of the Lord - it has the quality of extending itself even down to the lowest.