“Religion is all about transformation of the heart.”

When śrīla Prabhupāda was still with us, on the day of his Vyāsa-pūjā he would ask us to address him personally and share what we had understood from his teachings. This year, on the eve of his Vyāsa-pūjā, I stepped out of the crowded temple to write a poem for him. It reflects the yearning of every disciple who stands before the spiritual master and is confronted with his otherworldly purity. In such a moment, one question naturally arises:
“Where does our relationship stand?”

Only This I Ask

śrīla Prabhupāda, I only need to know one thing from you:
Do you still love me?

I find myself stumbling,
when I try to live up to your standard:
‘Everything for Krishna, nothing for me.’
Yes, I do many things that I present as service to you—
yet when I look within,
I see it colored still by traces of my own desire.

If I have one qualification in me, it is this:
when you reached out to save me,
I did not resist.
I recognized you
as one who carried out a divine plan of God –
a messenger from above.

And it is also a fact:
I miss you,
and the blissful life I had
when serving under your direct shelter.
Everything was easy.
Unexplainably clear.
Blissful. Light-filled.
Totally uncomplicated.
O, how deeply I long to return to this state.

What do you think about my idea:
could you not come with the battering ram of your mercy,
shutter the iron door of my fortress,
storm in with your unstoppable force of grace,
and pull me out of the bastion I have built so foolishly?

Until then, I will keep trying to improve,
for the real me loves you deeply.
My only hope is that you will act again—
and descend to save me,
for the second, a third, a fourth,
perhaps even a fifth time…

But wait – do I hear you calling out to me from the distance just now?

“My beloved son,
you and I were brought together
by your sincere prayer
and the will of the Lord.

You are a blessed child of eternity.
Only you have slipped into the mud
and need some cleaning.

Always remember: do not identify with the muddied mind,
but with what lies beneath.
Then you will not resist
when purification comes.
It will be easier for me,
and less painful for you,
to restore you to where you belong—
in Rādhā’s blissful company and sevā.

As far as your question:
Know this—
I have always loved you,
and always will.
Have you understood so little
about the depth of our eternal bond.

When Lord Nityananda gazes upon us,
the chains of suffering that bind our hearts
are swiftly undone,
liberating us from the shackles
of endless pain and sorrow.

Nitai’s eyes, like the crimson dawn,
never remain dry.
Flowing like the sacred Ganges,
cooling tears of compassion cascade from his gaze
as he fervently chants,
“Gaura! Gaura! Please save them!”

Clad in the garb of an avadhuta,
he laughs like a jubilant child,
then he dances to a music only he can hear,
and then he weeps, “O Krishna, where are You?”

Wandering about,
he bestows the Lord’s love-infused names
upon the destitute souls of this world,
enriching them with the treasure of devotion.

Oh, Nitai Chandra,
please cast your merciful glance upon me,
for I am helpless, having realized that alone
I can’t make it.

– Sacinandana Swami, Nityananda Trayodashi 2024

Sound the bell of eagerness – and
He will open the door
Bow low – and
He will raise you higher than heaven
Surrender all – and
He will give you Himself
and everything He has.

When will I feel Your name
pulsating with life
like a young bird
in my open palms?

When will Your name
taste like yogurt and ice cream
on my thirsty tongue, which is
exhausted by the tastes of this world?

When will I stop offering You
broken repetitions of Your names
because my love is still divided
between You and the world?